An awfully good pretender
by SorridoSole
Summary: Peter is awake after a nightmare, and learns that guilt and regret aren't so insignificant. For Peter, they mean one thing; growing up.


_**Hey guys, so, in case you never read J.M. Barrie's Peter and Wendy (Peter Pan), here's some background information. Wendy, of course, is pretending to be the lost boy's Mother, and truly does become what she pretends to be. She ends up tucking them in to bed, and making sure they are all well. It mentions, rather casually, that Peter often suffered terrible nightmares, during which she would take him from his bed and comfort him until he was calm again, and then she would put him back to bed before he woke up.**_

Sometimes at night, when he was fast asleep, and haunted by all the things he spat at in the day, Wendy held him. What a lovely mother Wendy was, a great pretender! Better than that; she _was _his mother. Peter reminded himself that, as far as he could actually remember, she was the only mother he had ever had.

On those nights, when he would toss and turn under the blankets she insisted upon, Wendy was there. If he hollered she would shush him, and bring him from his bed to the chair she so properly sat in. Wendy rubbed his back and hummed, simple tuneless hums. Little did she know, Peter was awake, and an even greater pretender than she. Wendy hummed and caressed his little boy face, until he really was sleeping, and was carried back to bed. Every night, this happened. Every night, Peter hated it, but he wouldn't turn away.

Neverland was a dreamland, wasn't it? One could not dream in a land that was dreams. Only good things happened, and what was bad was soon forgotten. What about at night, when the mind traveled past the second star to the left? A brain had to think of something, and something unusual. What wasn't usual in a perfect place? nightmares.

Horrible things, where Peter was mocked, or hurt, killed. All the people Peter murdered in good fun haunted him to the ends of the earth, where he would fall through the black abyss so easy to fly through when happy, but now when frightened was as think as mud, suffocating him until he screamed at the pain in his lungs.

"Hush now Peter. Wendy's here." He hated how Wendy knew his secret. Her warm hands wrapped around his shoulders, hoisting him away from his tomb. "Wendy's got you."

Tears leaked out of his eyes, and he didn't care to stop them. So many nights before her he had lain alone, until he couldn't stand the silence. He would wander for hours and reach the ocean shore, where the water tickled his unhappy feet. "Shuuush. Its alright."

_But it's not alright! Can't you see Wendy! You know my secret. What's worse, I like you knowing! I like having a mother! I can't like that. I can't!_

"Come now Peter, you must calm down. It was only a terror. Only a dream."

"Dream..." He whispered.

"Yes, a dream."

"No. Peter groaned. He was a master pretender, especially in sleep talking.

"No? Well, what do you suppose it is then?" She ran a hand through his hair, removing with it a dried leaf.

"Real..."

"Peter, its not real. You're safe."

"Not safe. It's real." he whispered.

"I promise."

"It's real. It's real."

"It's not-"

It's REAL!" he shouted, opening his eyes. He jumped up. "Its real. Wendy, do you understand? Neverland is a dream. But my dreams are real. Everything I've done, I'll never forget, even when dreams come and go."

His eyes burned harder. Air hitched in his throat.

"Nightmares, Wendy! Every night. Everything I've done wrong, and everything I can't fix. In the day I must be brave, but at night, what am I?"

"...You're just a boy Peter."

"Just a boy? Just? I'm PETER PAN. A legend! A mystery! Flies to battle without a worry! I shouldn't...I can't be afraid. I can't regret. As far as they know, nothing bothers me!"

Wendy stood up. "Peter."

"No." He made his way out of their home, and into the woods he knew so well.

"Peter wait!" he marched forward, ignoring her calls until he felt a pull on his arm. He jerked away.

"What?" Peter yelled. His eyes were blazing.

"Peter," she said softly. "I don't understand."

He turned back around and marched on.

"Please, tell me! I want to help you!"

"I'm guilty!" he screamed into the sky, his back turned. A flock of birds flew from their perches. "GUILTY, for everything I've ever done, I regret it at night. I try to forget, but I just can't anymore!... I can't."

He sniffled.

"Peter." Wendy stepped forward, turning peter around by his shoulders. "I know what's happened."

He peaked up at her through his unruly hair. "You do?"

"Yes." She put her fingers to his chin, and lifted up his face. "You're growing up."

Peter's eyes widened as he stepped away, "What?"

"Peter, its not bad-"

"I can't be; I'm Peter Pan!" He shouted, begging to himself. "I'm Peter Pan, I can't grow up!"

"...But you are, Peter."

"NO!" He was livid. Wendy shrunk back. He tore at his hair, roaring in her face "I. Will. Not. Grow. Up."

He stomped his foot into the ground, crossing his arms.

"Please stop shouting." Wendy murmured. Peter took a breath.

"I'm sorry Wendy." His lifted his chest up, like he always did when he wanted to look brave.

"It's alright."

"Well, then... Goodbye." He turned away at a breakneck pace, his feet hitting heavily upon the ground.

"Where are you going?" Wendy caught up with him. Peter stopped.

"I can't stay here any longer." He said softly. The moonlight caught his face, and Wendy realized he was crying. She wanted to hug the boy, but thought better of it. He brought his shoulders back. "I'll go where all grown-ups in Neverland go."

Wendy gasped. No longer containing herself she pounced on Peter, holding him to the stop in a vice like hug. He body shook with sudden sobs. "No Peter, You can't You can't join the pirates."

"Wendy. I have to."

"You can't. You must stay! I won't let you leave!" he motherly demeanor returned. "I won't allow it."

He pushed her away, and this time it was he who brought her chin up.

"I must." He said softly. "I must."

Tears ran like a waterfall down her face, but Wendy didn't say a word. Peter straightened his posture, sniffled, and raised his nose. "I'll never forget you Wendy Moira Angela Darling. Never."

"Oh Peter, do forget me.* Please do."

Peter put his finger to her lips, just beside her kiss, and turned away, never to return.

-Fin.-

_***in the original version of Peter Pan, his innocence is displayed by the fact that he can never remember anything for a long amount of time.***_

_**-Read and Review please! Comments much appreciated, even flames are fine!-**_


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